Don’t you think it’s wonderful to watch your dog come up with good ideas, develop his personality, and just be a dog?
When you can let him do his thing without having to micromanage everything all the time.
Wouldn’t it be great if he did the right thing even in difficult situations without having to ask you for help?
Do you doubt that this will ever work because your dog tends to freak out instead of taking a moment to think and assess whether the oncoming cyclist/dog/person, etc. is really that dangerous?
Then you are not alone.
Most dog parents find it difficult to give their dogs freedom of choice, especially those who live with problem dogs.
No wonder, because our trust in our animal companions suffers with every outburst, every growl around their bowl/bone, every single time they can’t listen because they’re too stressed.
We feel like we can’t rely on them, and the logical conclusion would be to take away certain privileges.
But what if that leads to even more problems?
It took me a very long time to let go and give my dogs more and more freedom.
Precisely for the reasons mentioned above.
They were aggressive/reactive on the leash, guarded resources, were terribly frightened in many situations, and could hardly overcome their anxiety (fearful dogs).
I wanted them to simply trust me and let me take care of everything for them.
But that was fundamentally wrong.
The more I wanted to control things, the worse everyday life became.
The fears didn’t get any better, encounters became increasingly stressful, and there was more and more tension at home.
The funny thing is that it wasn’t just me and my dogs who felt this way. I now see the same thing with my teams in training, and as soon as we incorporate more choice and more freedom into everyday life, the more relaxed our coexistence becomes and the greater the well-being for everyone involved.
Why?
Let’s put ourselves in our dogs’ shoes.
Imagine if someone controlled every aspect of your life. You no longer have any choice about…
- What/when/how much you eat and drink
- Where/how long/when you sleep
- When you get fresh air (and what/how long you spend outside)
- What hobbies you are allowed to pursue
- Who you are allowed to meet
- When you are allowed to use the toilet
And in some households
- Which rooms you are allowed to enter in your own home
- When you are manipulated (you cannot say “no,” even if someone hurts you or you simply do not want to be touched)
- When you are allowed to move around
- Who enters your home
- Where you are allowed to lie down
- Who touches you and how (you are not asked if something makes you uncomfortable)
Does that sound exaggerated?
Then think about how many dogs have to let strangers touch their faces. Their attempts to appease them (licking their noses, turning their heads away, lifting their paws, etc.) are ignored, and if the dog growls, he gets scolded.
Your dog doesn’t have to put up with this kind of thing?
Great!
But do you stick to the rules yourself too?
Does your dog get to decide whether you touch and/or groom him (e.g., remove a tick, wipe his paws, dry his drool, etc.)?
When I ask this question, I usually hear the argument: well, it has to be done.
But does it really have to be done?
Is it essential for anyone?
Or do we humans just not want to break our habits in that moment? I don’t exclude myself from this, by the way.
Sometimes I still catch myself wanting to “quickly” pull a leaf out of their fur or something similar.
Don’t get me wrong, that may be perfectly fine for your dog, but it’s not for mine.
Dogs, just like us, are very individual. They tell us what is okay and what is not.
If we listen to them.
With all the restrictions of daily life, our dogs need freedom of choice and self-determination wherever possible.
This makes life more relaxed and reduces a lot of underlying stress.
So let’s look at a few simple and challenging, but necessary situations in which our dogs should be able to decide for themselves.
Small things
This includes all the things we simply put in front of our dogs.
Instead of giving them one chew toy, we can lay out several in a row while the dog waits in another room, and then let them choose one.
Instead of providing one bed, we offer several and let the dog choose freely at any time (yes, even the floor is fine, because it might be nice and sunny or cool there).
Instead of setting a fixed route for the walk, we can simply follow the dog and let ourselves be surprised by where hey find it most exciting.
And yes, if we have food intolerances, resource issues, or similar, we may need to plan these decision-making situations very carefully.
On walks, we may not always be able to tailor the entire walk to the dog’s wishes (that might be overwhelming), but bits and pieces are better than nothing.
Their own body
The own body is the most important resource of every living being. Problem dogs and fearful dogs in particular often do not yet have the trust in humans to entrust them with this important resource without hesitation.
If people then simply start fiddling around with them, any bit of trust they had will be lost again.
They need to learn that they can absolutely rely on a “no” being respected and that strangers will not touch them at all.
This requires medical training. The dog learns that they can take a certain position to signal to us humans that we can now touch/handle/groom them. If the dog leaves the position, we stop.
But even normal stroking can be too much. To make sure that our hands are still pleasant for the dog, we can simply remove them for 5 seconds. If the dog encourages us to continue by looking at us, nudging us, licking us, or coming closer, we are happy to do so. Otherwise, we simply enjoy the closeness without using our hands.
Hobbies
Being able to fulfill one’s own needs is an essential factor in the well-being of a living being.
Let’s think back to how we felt when we suddenly had all these restrictions due to COVID-19…
We immediately felt worse.
However, we often forget this aspect when it comes to our dogs.
So, in order to incorporate more hobbies into our everyday lives, we first need to observe what our dogs do when we don’t restrict them (in a safe environment).
Does your dog like to dig? Then you could set up a nice little sandbox in the back yard or designate a patch of soil as a digging area.
Does your dog like to watch things? Then you can give them a nice spot in the garden, on the balcony, or on a windowsill (don’t worry, they won’t take over the household). If the weather is suitable, you can also find special places on your walk where you can sit down together and watch things.
Does your dog like meeting other dogs? Then you could arrange to meet up with a doggy friend regularly or even take trips to a dog park (an open one with loads of space instead of a fenced one).
Etc.
Basically, sniffing and/or searching should be part of every dog’s daily routine.
There are opportunities for this on walks, but there are also many possibilities at home (e.g., as shown in the video).
Fearful dogs in particular, who are not yet so keen to explore outside or don’t dare to go outside at all, benefit enormously from small search tasks indoors.
If your fearful dog is not yet able to do anything with you, the boxes in the video is even more important. You can make it so easy that your dog will definitely dare to do it, and so challenging that its successes will give it a whole new sense of self-confidence.
Great, isn’t it?
You will see that your dog will become more relaxed.
Freedom of choice and self-determination take the pressure off the relationship between you and your problem dog and your everyday life together.
And for all the situations that your dog cannot yet handle on its own, you can train specific behaviors so that it will be able to function independently later on. This includes, for example, sniffing when encountering other dogs.
This is, of course, natural dog behavior and therefore a great alternative to freaking out.
Of course, we can’t perform magic, and a dog that frequently freaks out will not suddenly start sniffing politely instead.
However, if we train a little and provide the right circumstances so that our dogs CAN make the right decision, they will do so more and more reliably.
Completely relaxed and voluntarily.
And if you want help with all of that and get an individual 1:1 plan specifically tailored to your dog’s needs, book a free call and we see, how that will look like.